Christopher S. Penn says of me, “We take Chris everywhere twice. The second time is to apologize.” The joke is that I have a certain kind of personality that often gets misinterpreted, especially in the digital format, and in so doing, I tend to upset various online communities through some slip of etiquette. I’ve come to accept this, and in most cases, I’ve made efforts to improve my lot.
A friend told me about a situation on Twitter where someone took the time to send my friend a direct message (akin to writing a digital personal note), but that the message basically said, “You’re not a bad person, but I’m not interested in what you Twitter.” (My paraphrase). My friend was upset by the gesture, and felt that it seemed unusually cruel to make extra effort to announce that this person was leaving the party. I said that I felt it was a matter of not understanding the norms of Twitter, and that’s what got me thinking about this.
YOU Are In On This
This is an open post. The idea is to post comments about social etiquette, and to think about this together. I want to start something here, grow it with you, and then put something out. So, let’s start. You jump right in, with questions to be answered, comments, whatever you want.
And in the mean time, I’ll write out some online social network etiquette questions and answers of my own that you can answer differently, if you don’t like my idea, or that you can take as a guide. Here are some Q&A starters:
If I decide I don’t like someone’s Twitters, how do I leave?
I believe in Twitter, it’s polite to just leave the user without sending a message. Don’t use direct messages to “break up with” the person you’re following. Especially if you haven’t had DM conversations before.
Is it okay to dump my mail inbox into Facebook and invite everyone?
Sure. But consider what message you’re sending out to all those folks, especially if your inbox has mixed business/personal use. You might consider manually adding people if your mailbox import contains lots of people you DON’T want to have join a service.
Someone added me as a friend on Pownce, but I don’t know them. Do I add them back?
Depends. My practice is to add everyone, and only remove doofuses. It depends on your stalker fears, your need for intimate connections versus crowd patterns. How do YOU want to use the service?
I hate all the @ conversations in Twitter. Can’t people just use Direct Messages?
People use @username because it’s easier, because it allows others to follow a conversation, and because with the new Replies tab (in Twitter), it makes following a conversation easier. It’s the social norm there now.
I can’t stand those zombie bites and food fight apps on Facebook.
Don’t play along, if you don’t want. It sends the message of how you want to use the app. Don’t feel that this is a ‘when in Rome’ situation. Use the networking tool the way you want to use it.
Someone asked me to forward an introduction on LinkedIN, but I’m not all that comfortable doing it.
If you know the person making the request reasonably well, consider sending an email to discuss this. There are some subtleties in passing a request along, such that the end recipient judges YOU alongside the original requester. If you feel your reputation might be somehow tarnished by this request, give it some thought. But then, why are you linked to someone you don’t feel comfortable introducing to others?
I’m getting creepy private messages from a new “friend” on Facebook. Should I drop him?
My theory of weirdos is simple. Drop them quietly, softly, and without fanfare. If there’s a way to let them stay friends on a service, but remove their ability to see your updates, cool. If not, drop them quietly.
YOUR THOUGHTS
Let’s open this up to you. What else can we add to the post? Updated Q&A will go up into the main post as I find gems to add to the piece. Thanks!
Photo credit, caseywest