There’s a martial arts strategy that says one way to throw off your attacker is to step into the attack, closing all distance between you and the attacker. This throws their ranges off, confuses them, and generally gives you an interesting chance.
It’s a sound way to approach nonphysical situations as well. The difference is with verbal matters, when you get in close, the trick is to hold their sword. Covey talked about this in 7 Habits. When someone’s attacking you verbally, say, “Good! You see things differently!” He called it taking their sword or holding their sword.
So, let me make this a little more practical:
The other day, I emailed a company who’d just secured a round of VC funding for something like, I forget, 20 million dollars. I wrote and asked them to sponsor PodCamp. They wrote back and said that they couldn’t sponsor the event, but were still willing to send someone to speak about their company, if I wanted it.
The also left a phone number in their email response as part of their signature. So, I called.
I said, “Hey thanks. That’s really nice. So, you’re saying you want to come to my free-to-attend conference, speak about your company that chose not to sponsor the event you’re attending, eat the food other companies paid to give my attendees, and then leave?”
Pause.
I said, “How about this? I’m going to come down there and speak with you directly. I’m going to educate you on why our event is the precise demographic you want to have on your side, and why you should pony up $300 or $400 shortly after being handed millions.”
Pause.
She said okay.
Now, I’m not going to brag about this exchange, because the crucial missing element is whether or not I can subsequently convince this company to be good people and donate to a worthy event that supports the community they intend to serve in the coming years. When I get that done, I’ll brag on Becky’s brag basket (a great feature people should avail of).
Other examples involve people having the wrong impression of you. If they say, “You seem like this,” there’s an opportunity. Say back, “I’m a lot like that, but I’m also this, too.” Or you can say, “I hear that all the time, and it’s something I try to work on, but I guess I have more work to do.”
Any time you can deflect someone’s anger and turn it into another opportunity to make an adjusted impression is a good time.
I was at a meal last night with the New England Podcasters and the Boston Media Makers. The running joke was that I seem to step on a lot of toes, and then I have to go back and apologize. Someone, who shall remain anonymous (hah!) said, “We take Chris places twice. The second time, we take him to apologize.”
I get lots of opportunities to step into the attack. It comes with looking at the world the way I do.
I’m *really* proud of a lot of silly things I did this week with Fat Guy Gets Fit at the beginning and the end of the show. If you would indulge me and listen to the first 3 minutes and the last 3 minutes, and tell me your thoughts, I’d love it.