Human Behavior

More than anything, this is a note to myself (but you can copy it down if there’s value to you): remember that humans are complex and have all kinds of feelings.
Recently, I hurt someone’s feelings. He felt excluded from the reindeer games, and felt disrespected.
In hindsight, I can see where he was coming from. What I perceived as letting him have space to deal with a family issue while I went out and tackled the giants ended up feeling like I didn’t ask him along for the battle. What I might’ve done differently was to send him an email telling him I knew roughly where he was with his life, that I was planning an adventure, and that I wouldn’t bother him until he was ready to be bothered.
That might’ve alleviated the issue.
I was listening to a podcast about negotiation and he had a story where he and a colleague had a project due. The narrator had lots of extra cycles and the colleague was pulling his hair out. The narrator offered to take on the extra effort and get th e project put together in time. This offer ended up pissing off his colleague.
It’s a similar situation. You come at the issue from YOUR OWN point of view, but instead of looking at it from all angles, you hastily act from your position.
Humans are sensitive. They have their needs. Remember: everyone is a superhero in their story. EVERYONE. Even the people filled with self-loathing have the sense that if only things were different, they’d regain their superhero status.
The two books I use as a reference for matters of this nature are Stephen Covey’s The 8th Habit : From Effectiveness to Greatness, and also Dr. Matthew McKay’s Self-Esteem. The first does a great job of setting up the whole framework, and really gets me the most bang for the buck. The second reminds me at a deeper level what’s under the hood with one’s psyche.
All life is learning. Any time there’s a situation where one can “blow it,” there’s another opportunity to succeed the next time. If nothing else, I tried my hardest to build good bridges back to the person I upset and I hopefully will be able to count him as a friend when this is all said and done.
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