In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to report something:
Lots of people often marvel at how little sleep I can go on, and for how long. You are astounded (often worried) by how many more hours I’m stealing out of the day. You also wonder how long I can make it continue.
I think I’m about ready to drop back into normal sleep patterns for a few weeks.
- Paranoia– When I lose sleep, I develop low-level paranoia. Mostly this manifests itself in the “you’re mad at me, aren’t you?” mindset. Oddly, I’ve been ticking so many people off in so many little groups that I just figured it wasn’t paranoia but the real thing. I’ve learned to lick this one.
- Anger– I have this one nailed. I get MORE grumpy with sleep than I do without. That’s partially in relationship with caffeine deprivation. If I have my caffeine, I can stay okay.
- Forgetfulness– I call this spilling bits. I feel like the buffer is overly full, and now data is falling onto the ground. I can’t keep things in my head very well. I haven’t found much to mitigate this. I’m really losing whole chunks of short term memory.
What’s weird is: the thing that makes me feel brilliant is also the first sign that I’ve gotta crash and be human for a while. When I’m functioning at peak, I’ve got a strong ability to juggle lots of things mentally. In fact, I do much better in that “flow” mindset than in normal mode, and typical daily living mode. I thrive when my head is loaded too far past capacity, but still within manageable parameters.
Signs that I’m Ready for a Break
I get feeling like everything is wrapped in plastic. I start thinking about Radiohead songs. I feel a lot like Bill Murray and Scarlett Johannson (sp?) in LOST IN TRANSLATION, that awkward detachment.
Oddly, this never translates to my family. You can ask them to verify, but I seem connected enough. I play with my kids. I kiss and snuggle my wife. I communicate with them about their days.
But I guess it’s time to take a rest.
What This Means
Pretty much nothing to you directly. I’ll still pull PodCamp off without a hitch (thanks to support and help and wonderful donations coming in. I’ll get all the GNM shows off the blocks, especially as my EPs learn more and more and more about production. It’s getting easier and easier to throw the shows into the final formatting and get them onto the sites.
But what it’ll mean to me is that I’ve gotta take a few days in a row to sleep much better, to eat ONLY good foods, and to get real, bona fide exercise. Few days in a row, and then something more normal for a week or three.
Then, back to the challenge.
This is how I function. it’s not how you function. Your way is okay. My way is my way. No lectures required. I can probably outquote you on sleep studies. I’m not looking for sympathy either. I’m generally happy, and ready to take on my next set of challenges.