It’s amazing how failure begets failure. Here is a lesson in all the things that move our lives away from our targets without much effort. I want to write about this because it’s important for me to view the downs with the ups. Obviously, I focus on improving my strengths, but focusing on eliminating my weaknesses is vital, too. This story, in short, is about every thing I did wrong in the past 48 hours.
Backstory: I’m a financial moron. I’m always a day late, dollar short. I make plenty, but because of past actions, I’m always in these weird binds where I pay more than normal people. I pay almost twice what you pay for your mortgage. I pay twice what you pay for my car payment. Short answer: I’m the best paid guy I know living check to check.
Flash Forward: So, I skate through the weekend with zero available dollars in the account. Come Tuesday, I start paying out to people I owe, including a guy I inadvertantly wrote a bad check. I talk to Kat later in the day on Tuesday (yesterday) and say something really insensitive related to finances, and come off sounding like a real big a-hole. Mostly because I’m just furious at myself for my financial situation. Something else happens, also in the money vein, but I can’t mention it.
Tuesday night: we bring home the Valentine’s cake I should’ve picked up Monday, but didn’t have the cash to collect. Why a cake? Because Kat likes to celebrate these events with our daughter. We usually eat a little smidge, and then bring the rest to work. But no. So, now there’s this chocolate cake with butter cream frosting in the house.
Later Tuesday night: Kat’s gone to bed, but I’m looking to zone out. I get the XBox going and play some Counter Strike. I play HOURS of this. The game involves repeatedly murdering members of the opposite team. It’s what guys call “fun.” I realize it’s really late. I get mad at myself for this. What do I do?
I go eat some cake.
This Morning: So, now I wake up late. One hour later than normal. I have amazing dreams, but yeah. I head to the gym. They say, “Your check bounced. You owe us money plus money.” Sure. No problem, I say. I walk to the ATM, which is right nearby, and bring back the cash. I endure my third humiliating financial moment in two days.
I work out one hour instead of two. I do a fairly decent workout, but I’m still down, and don’t get in my cardio because I don’t have the time.
Disclaimer: First off, the finance thing is just spelled out here so that you can understand the impetus for all the other actions. I don’t give a rat’s ass normally about my finances. They are what they are. I’m slowly moving towards resolution, and will have things in clearly better shape by the end of 2005. I need no advice, but if you want to lob bags of $20 bills at me, have at!
Lessons Learned: First off, I am utterly responsible for everything I do. That’s the most important thing to keep at heart. Second, I knew my Inner Critic was acting up, and that’s where spirals start. When self-esteem is low, there’s the gatekeeper to problems happening. Third, with the first two points in mind, I should’ve made a contingency plan for the cake being in the house. Fourth, I’m packing up my XBox. It’s clear that my addictive personality is not well spent with a game console.
I am committed to success with my fitness and nutrition efforts. Each setback is merely an opportunity to train harder, to learn more, and to move forward. No one dies when I make mistakes. I just learn, evaluate, choose new courses of action, and move foward.
Dig in and push.
(Thanks for your time).
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